Musings on…. Stories of Respect: Going Beyond Gender

Last evening I narrated a story to a heterogeneous gathering of members from a plethora of Rotary Clubs. We had elderly members, youth and children as well. Lovely! A nice mix of viewers for the session titled 'Stories of Respect: Going Beyond Gender' for which I was invited to share a story and interact. This happened over zoom on March 26th, 2021, being organized by Rotary Club of Secunderabad Icons, 7:30 PM, IST. It was Philip Joshua who connected me with Pearl Ganta Ji, the organizer of the event. I chose to share a story, ‘Sunshine Susan’ that I had written as a commissioned project. It is a short story written for Class 11 & 12, English Language Text Book (supplementary reader) for the Nagaland state board. http://over2deepakiran.blogspot.com/2013/08/short-story-sunshine-susan.html

As a storyteller, educationalist and parent I trusted this story carried scope for reflection and consequently opening the space for interaction. And it did. The enthusiasm and engagement of the audience was overwhelming and heart-warming. 

The questions and observations from the younger members and the elders were all worth the one hour we spent together online. To questions that young women had about how to respond to being discriminated merely on the grounds of being women, we had words of wisdom from the older members such as : have patience, change is happening yet it might take a while for dramatic changes. Switch off from negativity and keep doing your work, you will find support and positivity coming your way.

There were some questions from the younger members which set me thinking. I penned down some of those and am sharing here so this may be a space for more to share their views. 

Farah’s and President’s questions on discrimination against young women doctors and lawyers:

Three things I wished to share about these:

FIRST 

Let’s think about this. When I am very hungry, what if someone offered me 2 options: First: a plate of rice and dal and Second: a dish from Africa. Even if they reassured me that the ‘unknown-to-me dish’ is tasty and well-cooked, I am likely to opt for the rice and dal, right? Why? Because it is familiar. It is known! I have nothing personal against the African dish but I believe the rice and dal is safe and best for me, isn’t it? 

Perhaps if we perceive those who do not see ‘ a woman as an efficient doctor’ or ‘ a woman as an efficient lawyer’; as individuals for whom this is ‘new’ and ‘unknown’, we might begin to see that there is nothing personal in it, to begin with. And this helps. 

SECOND

What might be some of the best ways of getting me to try and to appreciate the African dish? As someone mentioned, patience helps. Reassuring and building the faith gradually and with wisdom, helps. Building faith without losing one’s own faith helps. 

For example: When I am not super hungry, when someone I know and trust has explained to me about the dish, I might find some confidence and become open to ‘try a bit of this something new’.

In the situations that the doctor and lawyer mentioned, there are specific world views that the other person comes from. Openness from our end, can remind us that, like it or not, there will always be multiple perspectives. And faith can remind us that their opinion is not going to change our self-worth. 

As for changing others, we could from this space of compassion and self-belief, attempt to respectfully dialogue with those having opposing opinions. Thus gently trying to melt myths and misinformation. Seniors and people in authority can also be supportive. At times patiently hearing out, and sharing some of our own stories might pave the way for new world-views. Taking the help of media and social-media : real-life YouTube videos/newspaper of prominent established women doctors/lawyers from Telangana/Andhra Pradesh could help them find real-life reference points. 

And if all this is not becoming a major obstacle stopping our progress minute-to-minute, then it is worth parking aside and moving on focusing on our calling, our purpose. 

THIRD

If you logically ask yourself whether there is 100% discrimination around you the answer is likely to be NO. Which implies that there are those who understand, support and encourage? Let’s be gold diggers, seek them out, focus on these people and these situations to further our ability to contribute and our desire to grow.  

On the question of how should men respond to women’s dressing and other choices etc? What kind of response is okay and what is not…..These are my thoughts. 

As I started earlier by saying I don’t believe there are any fixed and laid out rules but 2 things come to my mind. 

FIRST

Men or women, a simple good test for what would qualify as appropriate behavior from our end could be asking ourselves, “How would I feel if a person said/did_________to me ?” 

For example: How would I feel if someone complimented me for my dress? And how would I feel if they stared at my body parts while giving that complimenting. 

How would I feel if the person opposite was judging me? Judging me for what I am saying, wearing, doing and even just being? 

Pausing to think this way, might help us rethink our own choice of speech and action. And could help us decide as to what would be the most appropriate thing to say or do. 

SECOND

Going back to the old saying, “ When faced with the choice to be RIGHT or to be KIND…CHOOSE TO BE KIND ” It is a little difficult to mess up and hurt others when we choose to be kind. It is true especially in situations where our sense of right/wrong might be dissimilar from the other person’s sense of right/wrong. Kindness is worth considering, both to others and to ourselves. 

And if we notice carefully, being judgmental makes us feel tight and restricted inside. So when we observe without judging, when we choose to be kind to the other, we are making the choice to be kind to ourselves as well perhaps! 

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Like storytelling opens up conversation, I am hoping this piece of writing also opens up dialoguing. 

Sharing also the link to the recording of the session being discussed- Stories of Respect: Going Beyond Gender https://www.facebook.com/RCSecunderabadIcons/videos/794682474736308